I’m A Divorced Christian Woman, 44, Courting And In Love…struggling With Intimacy Boundaries.?

Wow !!! thanks for being transparent. We need more of this in our Christian life and walk. I am going to write very plain to you so please do not misunderstand me. It is obvious to me from your struggle that you already know the spiritual principles that will guide you through this time of your life.
Sexuality and desire are important in marriage. All we have to do is read the Song of Solomon to understand what healthy spiritual desire looks like. It is sensual and free. Since you have already dabbled in this then it is clear that there are no problems in this department. Yes, you have not done as our Lord desired, but he still wants the best for you and this includes a healthy intimate relationship should you marry this gentleman.
Now for the hard part….Paul told us that if we burn with passion we should marry. I suppose that he told us this because he and God knows that we are burning. Otherwise there is no need to tell us…right?
So God knows that you are burning with desire and He can actually bless this in marriage. But we are not sure whether we should take this step..that is the step to get married. We have been hurt. We have children that we are responsible for. We want to make the right choices for the right reasons.
So what do we do? My word of advice to you is this…your explanation of your predicament made it sound like God was a referee…or an outside observer waiting to see how you handled all of this. Invite Him into the process. The vow of purity seems OK but this is a vow that you have made to yourself. When you do well you look to the referee and tell Him that you are doing good. When you stumble you feel bad and tell the refree that you will try to do better.
How about this for a breath of fresh air. Invite God to be a participant in this struggle instead of an outside observer and overseer. He wants to be involved intimately in your decisions. Stand face to face with your beau and hold hands and invite God to the table to speak to you. Ask Him to forget everything that both of you have done in your life and ask Him to bless you both with a new beginning.
Now when you feel the desire coming upon you and you find yourself in the throws of passion, look each other square in the eyes and decide that you are not devoted to the oath of purity, No, you are devoted to God. Ask Him to talk to you. Read the word…read it together…read the Song of Solomon together instead of “doing it”. Laugh with each other. Thank God that you desire each other. Look forward to Him blessing your union. And hold hands, kiss, and let it go for the moment.
I sincerely hope that everything works out and that God uses your struggle to minister to others in need.
agapefromnc

Honey, I’m 53; if your boyfriend isn’t willing to have sex with you when you are ok with it, it is time not to walk, but to RUN the other way!!!! A man who sees a conflict between God and sex and who chooses God has SERIOUS problems. Take it from someone who found out the hard way, and find a better boyfriend.

Are you scripturally free to remarry? Have you been dating long? Why did you not just get married? If you are not dating with a view to marriage, why are you dating? The sex drive is a natural, God-given thing, and if you put yourself in this postition, it is normal to want to express your love for this person physically. But… Can a man rake together fire in his bosom and yet his garments not be burned? Proverbs 6:27.
ALL Christians should try to be sexually pure, as you are trying to do! You are to be commended for wanting to do the right thing in this matter. So many today are influenced by the world’s views and feel it does not matter, but God’s will is for us to abstain from fornication. All the best to you.

No, it is a constant struggle most singles face. B e strong and pray for God to give you strength and the right man will come a long with your same values.

“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits fornication sins against his own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18
“But flee youthful lusts, and follow righteousness, faith, love, peace, with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. ” – 2 Timothy 2:22
1) Pray to God for strength and wisdom
2) If living together move into separate homes.
3) Don’t see each other at all in private places without at least 2 or 3 other people around.
4) Ask God for more strength and wisdom on a daily basis

If you love each why does it matter what your church thinks or tells you.
Your both grown ups and your not doing anything wrong!
Humans are passionate creatures.

pure? sex between two who love each other is natural, i’m a pagan, not a christian.

Sure , everyone has tried ! Your love for The Lord must out weigh your Lust for the flesh ! God can handle this issue for you if you let Him ? Have you asked The Lord to give you a sign showing whether this is the man He would have you with at this time ? Just an opinion , but it sounds like the “yoke” is already a little unequal ? Both of you being “Christian`s , it seems` as if you both would give this to the Lord in Prayer ? Fornication is a sin ! God`s Word is always stronger than the Devil`s will !!! Sweetie , you are trying to solve a “worldly problem” with man`s desire ! Sounds` as if he is doing the right thing in waiting on the Lord , lend your support for his decision to trust God ! Don`t mistake your “passion” for the Devil`s deceit ! Trust God and Pray for your guildance !

There are many people out here as Christians devoted to purity. Sure it’s difficult, and I think your bf is right about getting closer to God first. That’s a wise decision, so he will be able to stand against the temptations. But I really think you need someone to hold you accountable when on dates, or maybe you need to think about not being alone on a date. Go someplace where you know there will people there, so you two won’t sin.

What a waste of your life. IMHO, God wants you to be happy, joyous, and free. Do what you like. Man invented the piece of paper that means marriage. If you love each other, then you already are married.
Sounds more to me like it’s an excuse for your boyfriend. Sounds to me like he’s getting it somewhere else. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be rude.

You should be very proud of your boyfriend for wanting to take the step to stop, take a breath, spend time learning the Lord’s will, in hopes to later resume the relationship with you as a stronger man in Christ. A smart Christian knows that a relationship will be blessed if Christ is the center. A pure relationship before marriage makes the bond much stronger after.

Hang on to that man by letting him go…meaning…letting him do the right thing by strengthening his relationship with God. This is coming from a woman who was also only 2 years in Christ when I married my husband. He ended up falling away from God while my faith became stronger. I wish I had known what I know now. A strong bond with Christ is IMPERATIVE for your relationship to survive. We husband and I are now getting a divorce (due to his porn addiction and adultery) and I wish I would have waited for a man who could have been stronger and built a better relationship with the Lord instead of burning in the flesh and marrying just to quell those passions…that later ended up not being for me, after all. I hope this makes sense.

God bless the both of you for desiring to do the right thing in the eyes of the Lord, for He truly DOES know what is best.

Don’t dismay and don’t let this situation bog you down. You will not regret having a purity driven relationship. Just because things have failed in the past, does not mean you cannot prevail and overcome the temptations of lust. We are all weak in some way or another and have temptations. Your boyfriend has the right mindset to take some time apart. Time apart will be good for both of you to center on what your true relationship goals are. You are truly blessed to have a man in your life who wants to abstain from impurity when the world is full of men who are saturated in pornography and lustful thoughts and actions.