What Experts Say About Children And Divorce?

“Others may have a hard time with it and be scarred for the rest of their lives.”
Divorce can have a profound effect on children. It’s impossible to add up the amount of loss children of divorce experience as their families and households are systematically taken apart and divided. However, there are a few ways to reduce the effects of divorce on children.
The first way parents can help children of divorce is to talk to them about it. Although parents should not involve children in custody and property disputes, they need to create an open forum for discussion. Children often wonder if they caused the divorce and what will happen to them. No one needs reassurance and support as much as children of divorced parents. Psychology and mental health specialists recommend that both parents spend a lot of time anticipating their children’s questions about the divorce process and finding age-appropriate answers.

Childrens success or lack of of it has alot to do with how the parents handle the divorce. If they keep the divorce issues private and encourage the children to love both parents and that they are not the problem the children usually heal. IT hurts and is painful but it does when a parent gets killed in an accident etc too.And living with parents who are not in love can be devastating and have long term effects too. LIfe is not fair and there are no guarrantees.
Here is some websites:
http://www.emeryondivorce.com/how_divorce_aff…
http://www.infidelity.com/index.cfm/event/art…
good luck in finding your answers. They are never easy.

Not an expert here, but I can tell you that my parents stayed together for a long time after my dad cheated. I was five and even then I knew something was afoot. They acted weird around each other and well let’s just say they finally called it quits and thank goodness for it, because I would have had a hard time respecting my mother if she stayed with a cheater and a hard time respecting my dad for continuing to put my mom through it. She went on with life and so did he. I would rather my parents have spines and be happy–I even thought that in childhood!! Yeah it is hard being a divorcees kid, but it is harder watching one of your parents allowing themselves to be taken advantage of. I never would view it as strength — only weakness and disrespect for ones self if they stayed together for the kids. Just my opinion though!

I’ve spent 20 years working with divorced and single fathers
I think the clearest defining point is looking at crime stats. Over 80% of those committing violent crimes, did not have the biological father in the home growing up. This connection is greater than race or poverty. Consider that when you watch the evening news.
Stanford University
Divorce, Nontraditional Families, and Its Consequences For Children
“We know that children of divorced parents have more emotional and behavioral problems and do less well in school than children who live with both their……….”http://www.stanford.edu/~rmahony/Divorce…
Fatherless America : Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problemhttp://search.barnesandnoble.com/Fatherl…
Children of Divorce and Adjustmenthttp://www.psychpage.com/family/divorce/…
For the Sake of the Kids: Divorce and Children’s Behavior Problemshttp://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_ap…
If you really feel it necessary to get a divorce, give the children custody of you instead of the reverse.
It’s a form of access or custody where the children stay in the former family residence and it is the parents who rotate in and out separately and on a negotiated schedule.
The children simply live at “home” and the separated or divorced parents take turns living with them there, but never at the same time.
The core element of this arrangement is that each parent maintains a separate residence where they live when it is not their turn at the “bird’s nest”. When one parent arrives for his/her designated time, the other vacates right away, so as to minimize or eliminate the presence of both at the same time.
At times, bird’s nest access can be coupled with specified access with the other parent say, for example, for dinner one night a week.
Sometimes, this form of access or custody will end when the youngest child reaches the age of majority at which time, one parent either buys the other out of their interest, if any, in the former family residence, or it is sold and the proceeds divided pursuant to the matrimonial property regime or separation agreement.
The arrangement can be expensive as it generally requires that three separate residences be maintained, the “nest” and a separate residence for each parent.
The concept is somewhat novel and appears to have as its origin a Virginia case Lamont v Lamont.
In Canada, Greenough v Greenough was a ground-breaker case in that the Court implemented a bird’s nest custody order even though it had not been asked for by either party. Justice Quinn, in Greenough stated:
“In Lamont … the court made a bird’s nest custody arrangement in which the children (aged 3 and 5 years) remained in the home, with the mother staying in the home during the week and the father on the weekend. I think that the benefits of a bird’s nest order are best achieved where the children are able to stay in the matrimonial home, particularly if it has been the only residence that they have known….
“Time and time again I have seen cases (and this is one) where the children are being treated as Frisbees. In general, parents do not seem to appreciate the gross disruption to which children are subjected where one of the parents has frequent access. In this regard, I do not believe there must be evidence that the children are suffering before the court is free to act. To me, it is a matter of common sense. At the risk of falling prey to simplistic generalities, I am of the view that, given a choice, I do not see why anyone would select a living arrangement which involved so much movement from house to house.”http://tinyurl.com/GiveKidsAChoice

Not really true My parents divorced when i was 5. And ohhhh it was nasty divorce They trash the whole place down It was completely destroyed All of the rooms where in holes……. I still remember that and probably will never be able to forget that. But it doesn’t affect our life’s. My brother and I got good education both hold MBAs. We have pretty good relations with our parents. We both have families (even though I think its time to get divorced) But live is good. And I guess if you don’t feel happy in your current position don’t wait until it get really nasty

Divorce is very difficult for the kids because often they do not understand what has happened and why they have to choose to either live with mom or dad. Try to save your married / relationship as divorce is very hard for the kids.

It all Depends on the Parents Nothing More Nothing Less, The Experts are Wrong as Much as they are Right. I Personaly Know a Few People that are Divorced and their Kids are Way better Off From it. Kids can be Just as Messed up From a Married happy Home or Being Raised from a single Parent

Divorce its just so hard for the kids. when my parents separated, I was so doomed and very disappointed. But I just have to accept things as they are meant to happen. Good thing I got this planner/organizer from co-Parenting-Manager (http://4help.to/plan) which really helped me cope up with the situation. Their website is also perfect for parents and kids who are experiencing the dilemma of divorce.